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I Love You, But I Hurt You: A Conversation On Self-Love


Your self is the best gift that you can give the world.





 

On this blog, I want to share with you the recent conversation I had with myself about how I hurt myself and how I can stop hurting myself consciously and unconsciously.


Two days ago, I went to the medical imaging place to get a mammogram. I had two lump removals more than a decade ago, so the doctor wants me to get a yearly mammogram.

If you are a woman and experience how uncomfortable and sometimes painful, the process is, you will understand why I ditch this last year.

The mammographer tries her best to make me feel comfortable, she kept asking me if I am ok the entire procedure, but it doesn't change the fact that I don't like a mammogram.


At the end of the session, she asked me if I was ok. I commented that I love being a woman, but every time I have a mammogram, it feels uncomfortable, sometimes it hurts, and I feel violated.


Then, I question myself if it is really nice to be a woman.


Suddenly, a thought came to me.


Dolly, there are times that we need to be hurt and feel uncomfortable because it is necessary for your personal and spiritual growth, and your health, but


how many times did you consciously and unconsciously hurt yourself? How many times did you violate yourself?


I pondered on those thoughts that came to me.


In the evening that day, I took myself to quiet time, and I asked myself,


"When did I hurt you, Dolly?


Then, I write down the thoughts I received.


I felt hurt when you don't listen to me.


I speak to you through your body, but you don't pay attention. I give you a feeling of discomfort and pain to remind you that you are already sitting too long, but you keep going to finish what you want to finish.


I give you strain on your shoulders to remind you that there are responsibilities that you have to let go because you have more than enough.


I give you a headache to tell you to stop overthinking and worrying, but you often push through until the pain is too much.


I felt hurt when you don't speak your truth because of fear of what other people will say or think about you. You have a message to share. If you keep it to yourself, you are silencing me and disrespect my truth.


I felt hurt when you take me for granted, when you don't spend time with me and doing the things that you love because you are trying to keep up with your many responsibilities.


You hurt and violate me when you don't respect yourself by allowing others to take advantage of you. You are special, created in the image and likeness of God. You deserve respect, and you give that respect to yourself first.


I felt hurt when you are not YOU-- you try to be someone else rather than YOU.


You have your unique talents, abilities, and giftedness. Desiring what others have and wanting to be like them, will make you miss your full potential.


You can't live your true calling if you're going to be like other people. If you don't live our true calling, you will not experience a complete joy. You will continue to live a life of always something that is missing.


I felt hurt when you are not honest about how you think and feel, and when you lie to yourself that you don't need help. Dolly, it is ok to be vulnerable. It is ok to feel weak. It is ok to ask for help. Being vulnerable is not a weakness. It is a strength.


I felt hurt when you don't take care of me. When you eat junk food, and you allow junk thoughts to get inside you. Stay vigilant with what you feed your body and mind. Nourish your body, mind, and spirit.


Then, I asked, how can I show my love and care for you?


And the answer was


"By BEING YOU! By being TRUE to your CORE VALUES. When you respect my needs and wants, you show me, love.


You show me that you care about me when you spend time with me and listen to me.


This conversation helps me reflect on how I treat myself.


So, I asked for forgiveness for the many times I hurt myself. Then, I resolve to take care more of myself.


However, I am wondering how many know who they are?

How many know their CORE Values?

How many know what they need and want when used to attend to other people's needs and wants?

How many know their real calling in life?


Knowing all of these requires us to spend time with ourselves, but how many are willing to carve that time in the day to spend with self when million other tasks need to be done?


We cannot truly love others if we do not truly love ourselves.

I love the song, "Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me."

I would say," Let there be Love, Peace, and Joy on earth, and let it begin with me."


Maybe we need to stop hurting ourselves, so we can stop hurting other people.


Maybe we need to stop hurting ourselves so that we can experience real love, peace, and joy.


Your self is the best gift that you can give the world.


What kind of self do you have?

What kind of self are you giving to the world?

What can you do to stop hurting yourself?

How can you show love for yourself?




Please leave your reflection on the questions on the comments below. If you like this blog and learn something from this, please share it with your friends.


Thank you for reading and for sharing.



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