When Meditation Causes You Stress

Meditation is one of the best ways to reduce stress, but do you know it can cause stress and frustrations?

Meditation is one of the best ways to reduce stress, but do you know it can cause stress and frustrations? What? I begin practicing meditation more than 20 years ago when I joined the convent to be a missionary nun. Meditation was a new concept for me at that time. I was searching for ways to fill that feeling of emptiness that I feel within me. When I heard about meditation's benefits and how it will lead me to deeper self-awareness, I was pumped up. At that time, I feel like I found the magic key that will unlock the door that will lead me to the other side of me. I am hoping that through practicing meditation, I will know why I have that deep feeling of emptiness that I feel nothing can satiate. I am so excited to join the first day of meditation. Then, unexpected happens, meditation is stressful! I battled against the monkeys in my head. They are jumping from one tree to another. I battled against my body, which cannot sit still, and struggles not to fall asleep. I battled against myself. I feel bad and started judging myself for not clearing my mind and not sitting still. After that meditation session, I experienced severe headaches and body aches. Well, I thought it was my first day, it will get better, but it did not. Then, I'm not particularly eager to meditate anymore. I can understand why people say meditation is not for them and do not practice anymore. But since meditation is part of our formation, we need to join. But then I talk to my formator about my experience. Then, wise words come out from her mouth, which I summarize to these words, "Flow, do not fight." What does it mean? When you are meditating, the other door of yourself is being open. You will come to see more about yourself, but some of those you do not want or ready to see yet. Hence, your body and your mind will resist. My formator told me that the next time I meditate, don't fight, just watch, and let go! With constant practice, meditation becomes my solace, my moment when I can have an intimate time with myself and with my God. Through meditation, I finally uncovered the root cause of that feeling of emptiness. Now, I am looking forward to my meditation time. Learning to be compassionate with me, letting go of my expectations when I meditate, and being JUST BE help me make meditation a peaceful endeavor than a stressful battle.

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