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What To Do When You and Your Spouse Are Growing Apart from Each Other

"No road is long with good company." Turkish Proverb


My husband and I watched a coaching session by Tony Robbins for a couple. The couple asked for Tony's help because they felt they were growing apart. The husband and wife now have different interests, one is retired, and the other is still working. One wants to slow down while the other is still on the go. They have a different pace, so they don't share the same activities.

While watching the coaching session, I remarked, "My goodness, husband, that couple is us!" Look, even now, we are getting farther from each other. We don't spend time together, how much more when you are retired, and I am still working?

When we watched that coaching session, my husband and I seldom spent time together because we worked many hours. He was doing his own thing, and I am doing my own thing.

Then, Tony Robbin mentioned the importance of PROXIMITY for a happy marriage.

After watching that coaching session, my husband and I made a pact that we would prioritize our relationship. We will not stop doing activities together that we both enjoy.

Why is spending time with your spouse important?

A friend told me that constant dealings create feelings. These feelings could either be pleasant or unpleasant. You have more pleasant feelings if you enjoy the company of the person you are with most of the time. You are doing the things you love, share the same aspirations, and feel secure and confident that you will be there for each other, like your trusted friend.

In marriage, your spouse needs to be your friend, if not your best friend, so you enjoy your spouse's company and stick together through thick and thin. Developing a deeper friendship is essential so you can enjoy romance and companionship.

Friendship and desirable feelings are developed when you and your spouse spend time together. Then, you do what you love, share your struggles, hopes, and dreams, accept and forgive whoever makes mistakes and be there in both sorrow and joy.

When two people are in love, they always want to spend time together. That is why many decide to marry so they will be together forever. However, as the years go by in marriage, the couple's attention is directed to their children and other responsibilities. The time together as a couple is often sacrificed.

You and your spouse might be one of these couples. Then, you just wake up one day, you don't know your spouse anymore. You grow apart from each other. You are no longer happy with your married life and lost that connection with your spouse.

How are you going to prevent growing apart from each other?

Develop friendship in marriage.

Make your spouse your best friend.

What are the benefits of developing friendships in your marriage?

1. Strengthen your marriage. When you and your spouse are friends in the first place, it will make your marriage strong. Your marriage may be the most important and enduring relationship in your life. So keep it alive and growing.

2. You feel validated. Friends accept each other and help us feel like we matter. You gain confidence knowing that you have your spouse on your side. You build a safe place where you can talk about sensitive subjects and deal with intense emotions.

3. You are happier. You enjoy the company of a real friend. You do things you both want often, and you can be yourself with your friend.

4. Enjoy your golden years. Companionship may take on even more incredible value later in life. Studies show that marriage and friendship can help seniors live longer and avoid many health issues caused by the stress of isolation.

How will you make your spouse become your best friend to sustain love and trust in marriage?

1. Spend time together. Take pleasure in being together. Have date nights or date days. Then, you protect this time. Stay in touch even when you're working long hours, feeling under the weather, or even when you are in the lowest moments.

2. Participate in activities you both enjoy. Watching TV together can be relaxing, but more challenging pastimes enable you to grow together. For example, sign up for ballroom dance and yoga classes, collaborate on a hobby, prepare dinner together, take a long walk, or take a vacation together.

3. Be open to trying the interest of your spouse. What is it that your spouse is passionate about doing? Try to explore those or join him. For example, my husband loves baseball. I did not understand it at the beginning, but I tried to learn it so I could genuinely cheer with my husband when his favorite team gets a home run. My husband also knows I love Marvel movies, so he also joins me in watching Marvel movies.

4. Plan outings. A change of scenery can help you see your partner in a new light. Check into a nearby resort for the weekend or plan a camping expedition.

5. Hire a babysitter. Be prepared for the impact that parenting will have on your relationship. Learn to manage your priorities so that you can have some private moments. Being friends can also help you negotiate and present a united front on issues like bedtimes and discipline.

6. Forgive each other. Manage conflicts before they interfere with your friendship. Focus on the good qualities you see in your spouse and let go of resentments that could pull you apart. See here the importance of forgiveness in marriage below.

7. Practice kindness. Friendship blossoms when we treat each other with empathy and generosity. Express your love and affection with gentle words and thoughtful gestures. For instance, surprise your spouse by vacuuming the living room when it's their turn.

8. Double date. Hanging out with other couples can be very valuable in your marriage. You may learn something from other couples to enhance your married life. However, be mindful that you go out with the pair that will help you achieve your family and marriage goals.

9. Set and maintain your boundaries. Of course, we're individuals with our unique recipe for a happy marriage. Carve out adequate time for yourself, and respect your partner's boundaries. The more you understand and accept each other, the easier it will be to live in harmony.

Be a good friend to your spouse. Work at your marriage instead of taking it for granted. You'll be rewarded with more love and a closer connection.


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In this checklist, you will learn how you could proactively handle the different problems you encounter in your married life.




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