top of page

The Secret to Loving Yourself

Be kind to yourself

Do you wonder how you could love yourself when you see in the mirror an ugly, fat, loser, unlovable person that only a mother can love? Maybe you are thinking even your mother doesn’t love you.

I was in your shoes more than 2 decades ago. I understand that longing to be loved and be accepted as I am.

I found myself daydreaming that I have a successful life, am rich, and am surrounded by people who adore and love me. I also secretly desired for that love of my life who didn’t know that I love him to take a look at me and fall in love with me.

But at that time, I used to think that the life that I wanted was impossible.

My reality was, I didn’t feel I was good enough; I felt so ugly and undeserving of love and attention. I hated myself.

However, things are different for me when I learn to be compassionate and love myself. Things are brighter for me when I started thinking highly about myself.

My daydream becomes my reality. You know why? I feel so much love that I don’t have to wait for other people to love me. I feel rich inside because I learn to acknowledge my blessings and giftedness.

Maybe you’re hard on yourself, or you’re so busy with too many responsibilities that you seldom spend time with yourself. Looking inward could help you to value yourself more.

In this blog, I will share the strategies that I applied in my life that I know will help you think more highly of yourself and how to treat yourself that you deserve.


1. Accept Yourself. Know that you are worthy of love and respect just the way you are. Embrace your strengths and weaknesses. When you learn to accept yourself, it doesn’t mean you will stay where you are, but it will be your diving board to where you want to be.

2. Affirm Yourself. How do you speak to yourself? Choose words that are encouraging and uplifting. Use your internal dialogue to build your confidence and manage your emotions.

3. Forgive and Ask for Forgiveness. Let go of your past hurt so that you can move on. Take any mistakes you made as an opportunity to learn. Make amends. You will be surprised that the things you feel guilty about are long forgotten or not a big deal for that person you think you hurt.

4. Avoid comparisons. Facebook didn’t invent social comparisons, but social media has increased the potential for envy and inferiority complexes. Try competing with your last performance instead of living up to someone else’s standards. You’ll accomplish more if you dare to be yourself.

5. Think positive. Looking on the bright side and being able to laugh at yourself makes you even more lovable. It also helps you to manage stress and deal with difficult circumstances.

6. Clarify your purpose. Invent your own definition of success. Ask yourself what a meaningful life means to you, even if that answer changes over time.


Do your actions match your beliefs? For example, you might say you love yourself, but you could send a different message.

Be kind to yourself. The following are some of the techniques that you can do today to express self-compassion.

1. Practice self-care. Develop habits that keep your mind and body fit and strong. Go to bed early, exercise regularly, and eat a balanced diet

2. Pick friends wisely. Surround yourself with family and friends who encourage and support you. Cultivate close relationships with others who share your goals. Engage in deep conversations where you can share your feelings and receive validation.

3. Pursue your passions. Identify the activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Block out time each day for something you love, whether it’s a task related to your job or something you do in your leisure time.

4. Set goals. Give yourself something to strive for. Working towards realistic and challenging goals builds your confidence as you add to your achievements.

5. Maintain boundaries. Know your limits so you can define what behavior you consider acceptable. That may include physical boundaries such as needing your own space and psychological boundaries such as being entitled to your own feelings and opinions.

6. Seek support. Ask for what you need. Let others know what they can do specifically. For example, if you need help with household chores or just a friendly ear to listen to you while you sort out your feelings.

Loving yourself can help you enjoy more happiness, overcome challenges, and build healthier relationships with others. Make it a habit to treat yourself with kindness and respect.

Protect your health and well-being by making positive changes in the way you think about and treat yourself.

If you desire to love or improve your relationships with yourself and need help because you don’t know how and where to start, I invite you to join me in the Journey to Self-Love. Click the link below to learn more

Dolly Oksman is the Founder of Love. Heal. Believe. Holistic Health Wellness. She is a Special Education Teacher, Behavior Analyst & Certified Wellness and Self-Love Coach.

Dolly recovers from her struggle for having a very low self-esteem that caused her so much stress and affects her over all well-being. Now Dolly support women who are stressed and emotionally overwhelmed to rekindle the joy in helping others by showing them how to love themselves and connect with God.



bottom of page