How your Definition of Love affects your Concept of Self-Love
As I try to explore how others define self-love, I went to self-love groups on Facebook.
I was amazed at what I learned. There are a lot of people who do not really understand the meaning of self-love.
Many could not resonate with it because they do not experience what love is. All their life they feel they are mistreated, disrespected, abused, degraded, and abandoned.
It is tough to develop to self-love if, in the first place, you do not even know what love is.
But what is love really mean?
I heard some people who say that love is a feeling. Therefore, when the sense of "love" is gone, you leave the person, things, or events because you don't love it anymore.
Some people equate love with lust, which could be erotic love based on physical appearance or something in the other you like.
If what attracts you to the person is not there anymore, you say goodbye.
Some say love is sacrifice. Meaning, you have to give up everything for the person you love. You have to put the people you love first before you. It also means you are giving your all even if you are hurting. It can also mean giving your life.
One definition of love that made so much sense to me is commitment.
Love is a commitment.
It is not dependent on feelings. It is a decision to continue loving even if the feelings are not there. Eventually, if you stick and do the loving rituals even if the loving feeling is not there anymore, it will come back.
Many people define love according to their experience and their state in life.
How is our definition of love can relate to self-love?
If you associate love with attention, you may think that you are loved if you can get attention. Sometimes, unconsciously, you will allow other people to step on your boundaries and allow people to use and abused you because they notice you.
One of the nuns told me that if you need attention, whether it is positive or negative, you will take it because it is attention.
Hence, sometimes, when you put junk in your body and in your mind, it is ok; you are giving yourself attention. For example, You eat junk food and sugary drinks because you feel hungry, making you feel good and satisfied at that particular time.
In this case, you are giving yourself the attention that it needs. But you have to ask yourself, is that kind of attention beneficial for you in the long run?
If you associate love as eros. You will despise your body, especially if you think it does not fit the standard of the world of "sexy" and "beautiful."
You will think that you are unlovable. No man or woman will love you because you do not have a beautiful body and a beautiful face portrayed in magazines, TV, and other media outlet.
So, if this is your idea of love, you may tend to express self-love by doing everything in your power to look good physically and be attractive in the eyes of other people. You will spend your money and time maintaining your youth, your beauty, and seeing your worth as a person based on your physical appearance.
If you think love is sacrifice, you will overextend yourself. You will go beyond your limits to help other people, to do all things for them.
You may sacrifice what is fun for you and forego your own dreams and desires for the sake of other people.
You become unhappy, stressed, experiencing anxiety, but it is ok because you are expressing love.
Your definition of love may affect your meaning of self-love because you may tend to measure the expression of self- love according to your description.
It is essential to develop self-love in the real sense to have a balanced life.
What is Self-Love?
According to the Brain and Behavior Research Foundation, “Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others. Self-love means not settling for less than you deserve."
For me, self-love is accepting who you are. You accept the beautiful, ugly, strengths, weaknesses, limitations, giftedness, and other aspects of you.
However, you don't stay there because you love yourself, so you do things to grow in the different areas of your life.
Self-love begins within you.
All my life, I've been searching for love outside of me. Hence, I am limited to the definition based on other people and my experience with the kind of love I received from others.
However, as I continue to search for what love really is, I discovered that it starts within me. Knowing who I am in my creator's eyes and how wonderfully and fearfully created I am (Psalm 139:14) made me realized that I am special.
When I started the journey of going within me, the more I appreciate myself. I began to see the interplay of my pain, joy, trials, victory, strengths, weaknesses, and other aspects that make me unique and rare.
Anything unique and rare is valuable. So I am valuable. There is no other person like me. How cool is that!
Seeing my real value and my worth, help me begin to love myself as me.
I also learn to respect and take care of myself. In the process, I develop a deeper relationship with myself.
Now, I do not have to wait for others to give me their love, attention, etc. I give it to myself.
I want to be attractive for me.
I want to give and serve others because it makes me happy.
As I learn to love and accept myself, I feel my world expands. I understand others because, like me, they have their own weaknesses, limitations, and struggles.
As a Christian, I believe that the ultimate expression of love is to die for others and give ourselves to others.
The challenge is if we do not have a self to give.
We can only give ourselves if our full within. The overflowing love that we feel for ourselves is what we give to others.
Love yourself. Take care of yourself. The truth is, by the end of the day, yourself is the only one you have.
How can you show love for yourself? Share your ways in the comment below
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Reference:
Feb. 12, 2020. Self-Love and What it Means. https://www.bbrfoundation.org/blog/self-love-and-what-it-means
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