In this blog, you will learn one of the most powerful virtues that, if you practice daily, will reduce your stress.
I'm a special education teacher for students with autism and those with no diagnosis but have characteristics of autism. One of the many struggles of children with autism is sensory overload, or difficulty communicating what they feel and what they want, which often leads to what we can perceive as behavior problems.
One day, I had a student who struggled to transition from school to home. He was crying, screaming, and lying on the floor, kicking and banging his head. His mother, waiting outside, heard him crying and screaming and rushed to our classroom. She saw me and the para on the floor trying to protect the head of the child and to calm him down. The parent perceived it as if we were hurting her child. Hence, she screamed at us to stop hurting her child, and she took her child and raised his voice at us.
Since we were in the hallway then, I asked her to come to my classroom. Allowing her to express her anger and frustrations. When I sensed her voice was going down. I explained to her what had happened. She apologized for her reaction. Then, we figure out the best solution for the problem behavior and how we can collaborate to make her child's transition easier.
My paraprofessionals, who were watching the entire event, were upset and mad. One even said that they wanted to yell back at the parents. They wonder how I kept calm.
I told them about my secrets during that time. First, I prayed to God for self-control. As human as I am, the parent's reaction evoked anger and frustration because she jumped to the conclusion that we were harming her child. In fact, we were trying to protect him the best that we could. I could be mad. However, when I became aware of my body's reactions toward the parent's behavior, I prayed immediately for self-control. The second secret: I took a deep breath and switched my mode from being in the situation to being an observer of the case.
I observed the parent's reaction and my reaction. As an observer, I could listen well and see things objectively as I detached myself from my emotional reactions. I'm grateful to God for answering my prayer for self-control because If I couldn't control myself, the worst things may have happened. I may lose my job or my passion for teaching students with disabilities.
Self-control is one of the most potent virtues you need to have to live a life with less stress.
Imagine how much money you will save, how your relationships will flourish, and how successful you can be in different aspects of your life if you have self-control.
How will you develop self-control?
The following are different ways to develop self-control.
Pray. Self-control is a gift of the Holy Spirit ("The Spirit produces love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, humility and self-control." (Galatians 5:22-23). Pray to God that you will gain self-control through the power of the Holy Spirit.
Become aware of your body's reaction to stressful situations that will cause you to lose control of yourself. Your body will signal when you are about to lose control. For example, when someone triggers your anger, there's a specific part of your body that you will first feel that anger. If you don't redirect it quickly, it will cause you to flare up, and if you're not careful, it will make you do things that you may regret. Learn how to increase your self-awareness with our new book, Finding Your Lost Self. This book is also available on Amazon.
Think before you act. When you're in a situation where you're so frustrated and stressed out, take a deep breath. You can count your breath to calm down. When you feel calm, think of what's your best next step. In doing this, you become more proactive and will develop better plans rather than reacting immediately.
Imagine the worst things that will happen if you lack self-control. Our mind is trained to escape pain and go after what is pleasurable. When you imagine the worst things to happen in your life, career, relationships, or finances, let your body feel the pain, and then imagine the possible pleasure and joy you will experience if you can control yourself; these will help you feel the importance of self-control and would motivate you to develop self-control.
Love yourself enough that you don't want to harm and put yourself in danger. When you love yourself, you don't want to hurt yourself. You're hurting yourself every time you lose control of yourself. Develop a more profound love for yourself. If you struggle to love yourself, Get our book, Finding Your Lost Self-Your 30 Day Journey to Self-Love. This book is available on Amazon, and signed copies are available on lovehealbelieve.com.
Be gentle with yourself. There are times when we try our best to have self-control. However, there are moments that we can't. The other force becomes greater than our desire to do what is good and right. If this is the case, be gentle with yourself and learn from your mistakes. Ask God for forgiveness and the people you hurt because you succumb to your emotions and forgive yourself.
Beautiful you, self-control is vital to live a happy, less stressed life with inner peace. However, it is hard to control yourself if you don't know and you don't love yourself.
Please take our free Self-Love Inventory so you will know where you are in your journey to self-knowledge and self-love, and remember to pray. Ask God to help you develop self-control, for the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak (Matthew 26:41).
How about you? What VIRTUE is beneficial for you in reducing your stress and overcoming your obstacles? Please share your comments below.
God bless you! May You Always Live in the Power of Love!
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About Dolly
Dolly Tampos Oksman, MA, MAED-SPED, is a Transformational Speaker, Author, Certified Wellness Coach, Special Education Teacher, and Behavior Analyst. She is the Founder and Owner of Love. Heal. Believe. LLC.
Dolly experienced chronic stress that affected her mental and emotional health. However, when she entered the convent to be a missionary nun, she learned the secrets of how to live a fulfilled life with inner peace and joy.
Today, she is sharing those secrets with you. Dolly is on a mission to help you develop a deeper love for yourself and find long-term solutions to stress. Her new book, Finding Your Lost Self, which is also available on AMAZON and her programs & Services will take you on a step-by-step journey to a happier, healthier, and calmer life with less stress. Please contact Dolly HERE.
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