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How to Start Journaling to Increase Self-Awareness in Marriage

Being self-aware is a habit you must develop to live your desired life and your married life.


How self-aware are you?

Do you know why a particular habit of your spouse annoys you so much?

Do you know why you are so mad at your children for not listening to you?

One of the many reasons many marriages are in trouble is because the couples lack self-awareness.

Being self-aware is a habit you must develop to live your desired life and your married life.

Self-awareness is a major key to self-transformation. You cannot change what you don't know, and you can't know something if you are unaware that it exists.

Many married couples are unhappy, stressed, and unsatisfied with their lives because they lack awareness of their pattern of behaviors, habits, and beliefs that cause marital conflict.

According to Joe Dispenza, a neuroscientist and the author of Breaking the Habits of Being Yourself, 95% of our thoughts are unconscious.

Your thinking pattern affects your emotions and feelings, which affect how you behave. The action that you constantly repeat will become your habit and thus, affects your outcome.

Reflecting on married life. Are you happy with it? Do you have a growing, loving relationship with your spouse?

Being married for 15 years, I know that married life has a lot of ups and downs, turns and twists. When you are at a low moment, you have an argument with your spouse, money is tight, or a child is sick, a rush of negative thoughts will creep into your mind.

The thought may start from your frustrations with your spouse about what he or she has done or has not done. Then, unconsciously, you engage with those thoughts and start remembering the moments when you were frustrated with your spouse. Then, that frustration will turn into anger or rage. If you cannot catch those thoughts, it will eventually affect how you interact with your spouse. Then, one day, you will just wake up wanting a divorce.

Therefore, if you want to improve your life, you must put your unconscious thoughts into your consciousness. You need to be aware that what you focus on leads to certain emotions and feelings that will affect your life experience.

How can you increase your self-awareness?

One of the great ways to access your unconscious mind is through Journaling.

Journaling will help you increase your self-awareness and increase your self-knowledge.

I learn so much about myself through journaling. Before writing this blog, I read my journal from 2009. I was fascinated by how much information about me came out in my writing.

While reading the journal, I feel so grateful because I found answers to my recent questions. Also, I saw in my journal my goals and the process I did to help me achieve those, and how I overcame obstacles. It inspired me to think that if I was able to overcome challenges before, I know I can overcome the challenges I encounter today.

In journaling, you are allowing yourself to express what it is that you hide inside. Also, it will enable you to find answers to your questions from your higher self.

Here are some journaling techniques that you can use to learn more about yourself.

1. Make journaling a habit. Start small. Maybe you can start journaling the three things you are grateful for each day. Write in your journal daily, especially when you have just begun to make it a habit. Studies show that it will take an average of 66 days to make an action a habit. Set aside 5-10 minutes each morning or evening to write your journal.

2. Review Your Life Experience. I started journaling when I was in grade school. It was a Diary. Before I went to sleep, I wrote about my experience, how I felt that day, and what I desired. When I began to develop a relationship with God, I changed my greetings from Dear Diary to Dear Lord.

Reviewing your life experience will help you see your pattern, your struggles, how you overcome them, and the lessons you learned from them. Then, when you encounter the same battle or similar stressors, it will help you remember what you did before to get through the challenge.

Journaling will also provide you the insights to make positive changes in yourself and your life.

3. Look for Ways to Better Your Life. When you write down your experiences, you'll discover a pattern of yourself that may be contributing to your undesirable outcome in life. Hence, with this awareness, you can also ask your inner self about ways you can improve your challenges and shortcomings, especially with your married life. You will be amazed by the new perspective you will uncover through writing.

4. Use writing prompts. There are books of journaling prompts. These are questions you can ask yourself and then write your responses to them. The following are sample questions to help you get started.

I know I love myself/my spouse/and my children because...

What habits do I need to change so I will have less stress?

What is an ideal married life for me?

What can I do right now to be in my ideal married life?

If I could start over, I would...

The most important things I can do to improve my married life are...

5. Timeline Journaling. You need to block an hour or more for this because you will reflect and record your thoughts on your life. For example, write about your home life or your love life. Perhaps you will write the timeline from when you met your spouse to your life as a married couple. You can write your achievements, struggles, victories, and other significant events in your married life. Walking in the memory lane will help you remember the joy and promises you had from the beginning of your marriage and the trials you overcame together. This activity is also excellent for you to do with your spouse.

When you write your journal, you should remember that you should not CENSOR IT.

Write everything. It is very therapeutic.

If you are so unhappy with your married life or think that your life now is not the kind that you envision, I suggest that you start making changes by increasing your self-awareness.

When you need help increasing your self-awareness and loving yourself, my Self-Love Course will help you. ↓↓

Journaling is intimidating for most people. We don't want to look at the dark places in ourselves and our lives. However, shining a little light on these areas can do more for your life than you realize. Know yourself. Become self-aware through journaling.

Next Steps

Develop a Deeper Love with your Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual Self. Download our FREE SELF-LOVE REFLECTION JOURNAL.

Do you experience much stress lately? Maybe you need to take care of yourself. Don't know how to? Join us in our '7-Day From Stress to Peace' Challenge. If you want to master your stress and roller coaster emotions that cause you health problems, conflict in your relationships, and affect your efficiency and effectiveness in your job, make sure to join this FREE challenge. There is nothing to lose but your stress!


Dolly Tampos-Oksman

Certified Transformational and Wellness Coach



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